I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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