I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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