Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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