First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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