i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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