he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
