You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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