a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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