Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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