i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
