Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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