We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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