Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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