Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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