So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
