i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
