Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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