During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
