Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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