they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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