I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
