What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize