1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
