whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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