You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
