This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
