No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
