I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
