Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
