I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
