The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
