is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Alive.
So much puke
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
