did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
