ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
