i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
