Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
