i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
