Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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