Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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