I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
