why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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