I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
