In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
