I accidentally had phone sex last night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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