I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
