MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
