I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
