I wish they made helmets for livers.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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