i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
