the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
