uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
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it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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