My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
