please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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