Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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