they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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