She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
so much tequila, so little girl.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
