I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
