"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
