hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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