i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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