If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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