btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
