chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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