Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
