I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
