I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
