just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
