I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
