Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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