no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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