Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
