i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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