So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
