He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
