I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
