Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
