just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
