But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
