the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize