she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
