i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
